Comedy Gold

I love to laugh, and although I think most people find my laugh annoying it has never stopped me seeking out my own class of comedy gold. The people I can laugh at again and again.

It takes a lot for me too say a group of people are as utterly insane as my friends and myself... however we are a mere shadow of the insanity of Monty Python.

Terry Jones, John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Eric Idle and Terry Gilliam... Pure Genius.

The British comedy group (plus one American animator) wore more women's clothing, slapped more fish and memorised more cheeses then any other comic I have found. Personal favourites of me and the ducktatorship are the Black Knight, dead parrot, and cheese shop sketch. There madness was inspiring and had me rolling on the floor in hysterics continuously.

I must say I have a fondness for British comedy, and another of my personal faves is the fourth season of Black Adder - while Rowan Atkinson most famous role of Mr. Bean jars with me horribly I can recognise the skill it takes for such varied forms of comedy.

The overly British George, the cunning plans of Baldrick, and the pompous arrogance of Black Adder as he surveys the madness around him never fail to amuse me...

I loved watching this season until the grand plan was finally put into action... And that would be the plan to continue with total slaughter until every body's dead except Field Marshal Haig and Lady Haig and their tortoise Alan...

There is some American humor that I love... in fact one show happens to be my absolute personal favorite... I am never not in the mood to watch the antics of this four fingered yellow family. I have seen nearly all of the four hundred episodes and can recite almost as many off by heart.

As my family will grudgingly admit... I eat, breath and live the Simpson's.

I would be a traitor to my country if I didn't mention an Australian gold... They may be young but the continued efforts of the Chasers to embarrass, shock and generally catch off guard any politician they can come by.

I had to cringe when they drove past APEC security... Or during the infamous Eulogy song...

They continue to push the boundaries of political correctness and of just plane good taste, but their biting political and social commentary is always enjoyed.

This is just a taste and I plan to report on more of my comedy gold's but I really would prefer to go and watch them myself.

My Own Work

One of my many goal's for this year is to find a literary agent or a publisher. Considering my age and experience this however seems to be a far stretch... I have only finished my first book and generally you have to get rejected for several novels before you would have a chance.

This blog was one was I had planned to gain a greater scope in my writing (and who knows... maybe develop a fan base?). I have also realized that, considering I am use to the endless praise of friends and family I might not yet be ready for the rejection of my work. Here is a selection of some of my work... I encourage anyone interested to please read and leave your thoughts.

This is an interrogation scene between the villain Mercury and one of the hero's Danny... It is a Sci-Fi with corrupt business and genetic manipulation... the basic stuff.

“They got away.”

“What?” Mercury asked into her cell phone.

“They lost the tracker down the drain.” She tried to control herself, the rage filled her quiet words that slashed into the agents ear’s as though she shouted.

“Fine, we can fix this. Keep looking for them, and don’t call me until you have something.” Agent Mercury hang up and held the phone shaking in her hand for a few seconds before slamming down the phone onto the table, breaking it into several pieces. She took a minute to regain her self, she couldn't afford to appear in disarray in front of a prisoner, her years as top agent had taught her to act, to be powerful and in control when you were furious and distracted. She had a look through the one sided mirror that was the focus of the small room, and then walked through the door into the white room which was filled with a brilliant light that bounced off the tiles that covered the room.

Daniel sat tired to a chair in the middle of the room; his eyes were closed and his forehead was creased with lines, he was trying to relax, he focused on his breathing and tried to ignore the pain running through his head. “You can hear it can’t you? It’s a sound only animals can hear.” She said patronizingly, Danny’s eyebrows furrowed further into his forehead, he felt her poisoning the air itself with the malice that dripped from every word. “You remember how loud it can get, and at the moment it’s your choice of the volume. It can get better or worse.” With that her hand slowly turned a control; Danny opened his eyes and blinked in surprise. It had stopped. “

Better or worse.” She yanked the control in the opposite direction Daniel started to scream. He thrashed back and forth on his chair but it was bolted down. His yell was blood curdling, but Mercury just smiled. Slowly she turned the switch off and Danny sat still his eyes watering from the pain. “Silence, isn’t it golden? You can have silence all the time. Just tell us what we want to know, or everything you hear will be that. It won’t kill you, but you’ll hear it every day for however long it takes you to tell us what we want to know, and you will tell us. I’ll leave you to think about it,” she said slowly, she walked out of there and left.

“Start playing it at random moments, for different lengths,” she ordered to the man who was sitting behind the one sided mirror at the controls, he was pale and sickly. “And if you can’t handle it, I’ll be happy to put you in a different post, room thirteen perhaps?” She threatened and the technician gave a wary nod.

(Copywrite 2005 Clare Belshaw)

This was an idea for an English Extension creative piece... we studied Revenge Tragedy, there is a large focus on the Christian values and the search for justice in an unjust society.

Venice 1596

Count Retaltor felt the crispness of the night captured in the stain glass window as he rested his hands across the image of the Virgin Mary. He lent in close, his heated breath foaming against the painted red fabric, the glass blurred his vision slightly but he could still make out the curves of her voluptuous body as she slowly removed her nuns rob’s. Inquisitor Malevol, the high inquisitors personal assistant strode up to her and pulled her close. Retaltor felt his anger and hate rise as he watched Malevol defile another nun in the sanctuary of the church, he felt the temperature drop further as the first drops of rain started to fall onto the city, filling the canals. Despite the frosty downpour his rage pumped heat through his body and he stood still as the crucifix that guarded the entry, as he watched Malevol desecrate the church and its assets.

Retaltor curled his hand into a fist, the depraved couple knocked over a candle and the light shone through the window casting the light of Mary onto the street and onto Retaltor, as they finished and Malevol dressed into his inquisitors robes before slinking out into the night, the snake leaving the tricked and sinful Eve, Retaltor knew what he must do he crossed himself and asked for strength. He walked into the room as she tried desperately to cover herself, her skin still glistening with sinful sweat. He picked up the heavy crucifix that stood on the mantle, he bought it down across her head with as much force as when he threw her lifeless body into the watery canals, he properly dressed her in her nun’s clothes, Retaltor gave her the final rights and watched the body sink down into the endless black water. The dawn started to creep over the terracotta roof tiles, blazing with, what Retaltor believed to be, God’s sanction of his act.

Retaltor returned to his own room and carefully removed his noble wig, pushing his hands over his bare skull, he saw he had left his candle burning through the night and quickly doused the dwindling flame. God’s sun would provide his light just as it would prepare him for the removal of the sinful inquisitor from the city of Venice, from God’s world, leave him to be judge by the holy and divine. For only the almighty had the power to dispense judgement, and he had chosen Retaltor for the task of giving the lords retribution for sins, Retaltor felt his chest heavy with his dark task, for killing an inquisitor would surly lead to his own execution, but if that is the price that God demands for Malevol’s sin then Retaltor would pin himself to the cross. The streets must be cleansed through the sinner’s blood.

(Copywrite 2007 Clare Belshaw)

This was another English Extension piece... an interior monologue with Jacobean values, it was very annoying to try and write from such a sexist persona, however I think I manage it.

Upon my honour, upon my place in heaven by my ancestor’s side I shall have vengeance.

The evil I bring will eclipse the sun; the moon shall burn red with blood.
To accept this treachery would be to dishonour my beloved sister, whose virtue pure as the new winter snow was defiled by the rat, the cad.
The heavens have not created enough insults to do his evil justice.
My pure sister, the morning blossom, still trembling with the morning dew, plucked and peeled.

I shall avenge you.

With all the hosts of heaven as my witness I swear his black blood will stain the earth where you body lies, O crushed blossom.
You were so pure, I could not live seeing you defiled such, although your blood is on my hands, your death upon his head.

May the earth give you rest, may the catacombs of dirt in which you lie blanket you. Lie still, and know that your brother will avenge you.
I shall make him pay for all the evil he has caused.
I shall find a way to inflict the same torture he has inflicted on you, his honour shall suffer as yours did.
His pride will be torn from him, his place in society will be stripped from him and once he is brought to the lowest rung, once he can not lift his head I shall strike the final blow.
I shall wash away your blood with the thick sludge of his, may my hands always be blackened by his polluting blood as it spills so that all heaven and hell can tell I destroyed him.

And may your pure soul, my blossom, be forever safe in the knowledge that your honour has been avenged.
He who played upon your naivety, tricked your emotional heart to believe a false love.
I know sister you are sorry for what you said to me, sorry you allowed a snake in your garden.
Don’t worry a female mind is often swayed by shallow lines of love and faithfulness.
I shall not hold that against you, I shall avenge you all the more for your naivety.

After all, the blood on my hands is the same as in my veins.

(Copywrite 2007 Clare Belshaw)

I hope you enjoyed a snippit of my writting

My Top Picks

I believe in supporting one's favorite authors, this post is dedicated to the books that I could continue to read again and again and the authors who I admire for creating the most real and incredible characters with the most engaging plot lines.

Kylie Chan - The Dark Heavens Series

The cover had been catching my eye for a while... but it was not until schoolies when I had entire days to myself that I was to pick it up and purchase it... I purchased the second the next day and the third the day after. I engulfed this series and was surprised not to have heard of it before. I was pleased to have discovered a series at the beginning of its popularity, and by an Australian author no less, and was quick to spread the word to other readers.

The only problem with enjoying a series that is so new, is that I know I may be waiting for the final longer than I was waiting for Harry Potter.

She uses her knowledge of Chinese and Australian culture to weave a reality so deep you find yourself questioning if that strange couple across the street are really human...

Anne Mccaffrey - Dragons of Pern series

It is rare for my parents to suggest an author this strongly to me. And on review my acceptance of my dad's challenge to read them all in a week was not so much ill advised as impossible. It did not take me long to fall in love with a world of the future but in a medieval society protected by majestic dragons.

I would catch my mother smiling knowingly as I burst out laughing at the idea of a dragon in zero-G, and I did not have to explain my sudden irrational desire to go to the beach because of the off chance there might be a fire lizards clutch. When she asked me who my favorite character was and I replied 'Robinton' she flung her arms back, 'Well obviously, everyone loves Robinton'.

For a book to transcend age differences so easily and to fully capture the mind of a teenager and, as I realized in talking to mum, hold it for many years to come in a mark of a truly great series and a truly talented writer. I still have not finished the Dragon's of Pern and have only just started the 'Damia' series. I still have yet to find a novel of Mccaffrey's that I haven't loved.

Agatha Christies

While I have never been a fan of the quiet little Ms Marple, I have never grown tired of the all knowing arrogance of Hercule Poirot. I have enjoyed Agatha Christie's stories both in the novels and in the television series. Having now read enough to continuously pick the bad guy early on I still will enjoy the story as Poirot slowly reveals the villain to the ever incorrect police and Captain Hastings.

I can not find a better way to describe her style than Classic Murder, I have not read them all and I am sure it is just a matter of time before I stumble into a crime scene to have the detective grandly announce that yes.. 'The Butler did it!'

Tamora Pierce - Song of the Lioness

I'm sorry to say that Tamora Pierce did not continuously capture my interest as she continued to release book after book. However I cannot forget the wonderful story of the Lady Knight Alanna and her adventures and struggles to become a knight.

Engaging and enjoyable, but most importantly memorable.

The skill in this novel is evident in the fact that I am struck by a sudden desire to go back and re-read them... it has been a few years. And I feel the need to separate the facts of this and her other series I loved 'The Immortals'... I shall have to wait until I finish this post.

Garth Nix - Old King dome Trilogy

Lirael has been for many years my favorite book. Although my friends prefer the first of the trilogy Sabriel. I have an emotional attachment to this book as the first thick novel I have ever attempted... and the reason for this being simply that the Librarians in the junior school thought the contact was too 'adult' and I was not allowed to read it.

This is of course the surest way to ensure that I will read the said 'adult' book, although it was a few years before I managed to get my hands on a copy. This book also taught me how ridiculous the librarians could be.

To say I enjoyed this would be an understatement... It was a cruel wait for the last book to come out but it was one I instantly had to own.

The Lull - Second Strike

Once again I am faced with a seemingly endless period of little to do and allot of time to do it in. It has gotten to the stage when even I, am questioning, just how often can I watch the Simpsons movie before I start having nightmares about the EPA and dreams about Lisa's boyfriend Colin...





How to fight this barrage of boredom? How to take back the day from the grips of despair? What activity could possibly occupy young minds that have just learnt complicated maths problems, analysis of classic literature and enough historical quotes to make Thucydides feel inadequate.





By doing the complete opposite.





After two years of hard study our brains simply aren't equipped to cope with more in depth television then SpongeBob and The Young and The Restless. This is the time when we don't want to watch serious political thrillers... we want Zoolander. A simple return to silliness to shift and sift through the sorrow that we shoulder.





I personally have found a few choice activities that allow my brain to switch off, meaning I am free from analysing just why this action movie starts with a shot of the American flag, what that means because of the context, and how are those values that are represented going to be corrupted or reinforced through the film... yes this is what three unit English does to you.





Option 1: Building card houses...





While this may seem old fashion and can be greatly... infuriating if a freak gust off wind demolishes your work before it can be completed, it requires full attention and your mind is unable to wander. You will stay completely focused on the task until you just get fed up with it... there is also immense satisfaction in knocking over a particularly large tower of cards, much the same feeling can be derived from a line of domino's and this is a suitable substitution.





Option 2: Puzzles...





Now I do not mean the little 30 piece, for ages 3-4, kind of puzzles, big ones that take days to finish. I have been working on a 1000 piece copy of a Botticelli painting... that is when my cat isn't sleeping on it.





Option 3: Walking...





Not only will you be glad but your doctor will be too. I now spend about 2 hours of my day walking... if this seems daunting... I agree. However I survive by walking half an hour blocks, your out in the sun getting fresh air and then home just as you start to get bored.





Option 4: Organise...





Those who say that they are naturally organised are liars... they just have way too much time on their hands. Organising is simple, mind numbing and there is always something that can be done. My particular favourite is bookshelves... generally I shift it into genre before suddenly deciding I rather like it alphabetical.



That leaves me free to change it back to genre the next day.

There are of course a large number of other completely pointless activities that allow one's mind to turn into contented goo.